Almost four years ago, I wrote a blog post about being fearless, wherein I completely lied to my readers. Not on purpose, mind you. At the time of the blog post, I’m sure I had every intention of grabbing life by the cojones and letting my greatness flourish. But instead, I let my usual laziness take over and fear renewed its lease in my life.
I have done some pretty awesome things since that blog post, but nothing close to what I really wanted. Where I am now is not where I pictured myself on the cusp of 2016. I’ve been slacking, mostly because I’m too afraid to go after my real dreams. I let it decide what I do for work, how I interact with friends and family, and use it to keep men at bay.
And I especially allow fear to infect my writing, or rather lack of.
I’d like to not be this scared anymore.
Currently, I’m skimming through Shonda Rhimes’ “Year of Yes” and am finding so many similarities between us–I too prefer to live in my imagination than interact with people. Leaving my house and talking to other real-life humans is TOO MUCH. Asking for what I know I deserves makes me break out in cold sweats. Although I’m not a fan of her writing style, the message is clear: happiness is better. Stop being a ‘fraidy cat. Live more.
Keep me in your thoughts as I struggle to understand benefits of saying YES to life. And don’t look directly at me if you can help it; attention makes me nervous!
Saying yes, as Rhimes put it, may not make anything better, but at least it will make things different. And if it doesn’t help, you’re all invited to come with me to protest outside of her home to demand my money back for this book!
xoxo,
Raquel Ivelisse