© 2014 Marcin Kaliski
Early in the year, I attempted to raise money in order to launch a couple of initiatives I felt were lacking in MY writing community. I dreamed of a free or low-cost writing workshop, a literary magazine, honorariums for those who participated in my events, literary programs for kids, and panel discussions with accomplished authors and industry insiders—all for the benefit of the up-and-coming writers with whom I’ve had the pleasure of working (and the people who love us).
But a funny thing happened on the way to the finish line of my Indiegogo campaign: less than 10 people gave. And in that group of 10 supporters, NONE OF THEM where the writers I was trying to help. Part of me said “Raquel, maintain, be cool…” but the loud, short-tempered Bed-Stuy native went the f*ck off: “I’m busting my butt for these people and they barely support what I do!”
After I vented, I took a step back and asked if I’ve been supportive of their efforts, and while I could probably show my face at more events, I know I’ve been there for a lot of these people, buying their books even if I thought it wasn’t very good; touting their projects; GIVING THEM A FORUM AT MY EVENTS. It all seemed like such a slap in the face. I was truly hurt.
I write all this as way to explain my pulling away from a lot of people and shelving a lot of my projects. I’m in the process of reassessing my “community” and looking to see who’s an asset and who’s a liability. I hate to speak of people like that, but this has become my new reality. I have to think like a CEO as opposed to the creative nurturer I wanted to be.
Bottom line: Why won’t there be writing workshops this year, even though it’s all I’ve been talking about since November, and it’s something I’ve wanted to do for so long? Frankly I’m not willing to invest much more of my own money in a group of writers that weren’t very supportive, even though the benefits were for them. So there’s a little “tired” mixed in with “resentful” in my decision. But mostly I’m going to take the next few years to be more selfish in my literary endeavors. I’m going to learn to “sell myself” a little bit more. Be more selective in my affiliations and “legitimize” what I do (more on that later). It seems to be working for everyone else. Right now, however, I’m filing the workshops, et. al., under a dream deferred.
Raquel 2.0 soon come.
xoxo,
Raquel Ivelisse
YES!
Sometimes you need to take care of you first and foremost. You have kids to take care of. If grown ass adults can’t pull themselves up by the bootstraps and contribute to their own successes, its time for you to stop trying to carry them. Keep those who work hard at their craft and at their own growth and dismiss those who are just phoning it in.
-Irene
Good on you… Do you, stay strong. Sometimes that means “doing you” requires you to “be strong” in spite of how that looks for others. I admire that you’re living the dream (or at least attempting to). I’ll need to take a page from your playbook… :-/ (You too, Irene… Admire what you’re doing… another playbook I need to take a page from)…
Love and Machetes,
-Rick
First- Rick is a straight FOOL for signing off “love & machetes” but it’s also why I keep him around lol!
But yes, you’re both right. I have to concentrate on me and my little family, and if along the way someone else learns something or gets motivated, too, well good on them. In the meantime, if they want my help, they gotta PAY ME. lol